three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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