You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
