Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
