Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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