i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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