My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
