she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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