dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
