you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
