my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
