peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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