Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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