Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
