***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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