Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
