And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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