i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
