SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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