he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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