i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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