do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
