I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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