Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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