Your tits are I can't wait for
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
