the condom got lost in my hair
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
