Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
