I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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