I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Welp...herpes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
