I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
