I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
