I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
