so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
