I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
