I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
