how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
