you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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