i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
