Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
