She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
