I think I won the penis lottery.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
