It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
