So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
