the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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