If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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