wat bout pragnant strippers??
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
