She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
