I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
