We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
