Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
