she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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