wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
