Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
