If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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