you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
