Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
