I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
