bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
