Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
They took my balls.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
