If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
