This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Do vagina's smell?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
