guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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