Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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