the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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