Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize