Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.