There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
