Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
