Sry I called you an 8
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
