If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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