Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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