She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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