Can Purell be used as lube?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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