I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
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A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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