it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
