Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
