did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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