It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize