How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
