just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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