I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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