I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
