i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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