Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
